October 27


Unity of mind and spirit

By Maryse Gauthier

October 27, 2019

2019, Monthly painting, October

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Here is my only 2020 painting!

Since 2019, I have been in the theme of embracing my true nature. Huge changes occurred which imposed reorganization and distancing from different things.

2019 was a pivotal year of acceptation, decision and action that led to my self-discovery.

2020 was the year of entering my purpose for exponential progress.

2021 has been the year of narrowing further what my true nature is and closing the year with the decision to confront remnants of old premises to unlock my full potential.

2022 will be the year of new heights of growth, success and actualization by trusting I do not need to control how I'm interpreted to produce the good that is in my intentions. I can express my nature openly and trust it will reach those who are meant for it.

I am reconnecting with painting with joy and inspiration. My hope is to inspire more humans to embrace their own unique authenticity to bring meaning to their life and contribution to humanity.

What does being authentic have to do with accepting others?
But how do you connect with your true nature?
How do you tell if you are being yourself?
Why is self-discovery so important?
What it means to be genuine?

Embracing My Essence

This is the title of my only 2020 painting. I created it in the tiny apartment I lived in with my soul mate. I wanted to express the discovery of authenticity as my new home and as the symbol of the unique relationship that was unfolding with my beloved companion as a result of embracing my nature.

I treasure his presence in my life as a precious gift.

I didn't know how to illustrate this concept, so I did like usual. I trusted my inituition and painted.

I find the outcome interesting. The pointed edge reminds of an arrow piercing through a fabric displaying a fascinating outerspace universe. The eye represents the reflection of the discovery and exposure of the true inner self.

It is the beginning of a new experience.

It is the product of decades of trial and errors, searching, experimenting, risking, discomfort, doubting, evolving, etc. Living life to it's fullest at the best of my knowledge, awareness and capacities. It's is not the best but it is my best and would not change anything.

What follows are the different stages I went through that led to this beautiful fortune.

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My original fallacy

From as far as I can remember, I was obsessed on understanding how the human mind works to find a fail proof solution to make every human the best version they could be, so they can enjoy existence to it's fullest.

I was convinced that no matter the severity of trauma or hardships someone experienced, there had to be a way for them to access happiness, peace, serenity and fulfillment. I wanted to uncover the formula to open this access to everyone, no matter what.

It became my life obsession and it developed in the urgency of finding the solution for everyone's problems and difficulties. In emergency mode, I was in alert full time, restless, and disconnected from my own identity, needs and desires. So much that I didn't even believe I was human, I didn't know how to communicate and interact with others, I just wanted to fix their life. My goal was to start living my own life and enjoy it only after I fixed everything around me.

In fact, I allowed myself to have some kind of existence in secret, never openly. I believed that humans were all too fragile, too vulnerable and needed assistance for everything since they were so helpless.

I believed I was their only hope and that I was so powerful that it might be a serious threat and danger for humanity if I dared living openly. They might not be capable of sustaining this and I would be responsible for irreversible damage, possibly fatal.

It was too serious to risk that much, so I preferred to continue analyzing and searching for the truth and solutions.

Being socially deficient, I also believed that in order to integrate and succeed at anything in society, I had to learn to communicate and interact.

So I decided to work in restaurants to have access to as many different humans to observe, learn and practice social interactions. I thought I might learn to become human too.

What it means to be genuine

This week, it became clear to me how authenticity works, is expressed and non-selective.

Authenticity treats people as capable to deal with the expression of other's authenticity.

Authenticity trusts that each individual is ultimately responsible of their own problems and are the only ones with the power to solve them at their own pace and their own manner.

Authenticity is concerned to be true not to micro manage how it is understood by everyone.

It trusts that the people it is meant for will receive what they need the way they need it.

What my authentic self is not for others

  • Dangerous
  • Harmful

The major obstacle to authenticity is fear not confronted. Every fear we decide to overcome brings us closer to discovering our identity. 
~ Maryse - Amoritz

This month it's Halloween! I got the idea of a skeleton hand coming out of a hole helped by a spider.

Then, I saw a video of someone saying she experienced a phenomenon named the rise of Kundalini. I had never heard of this, so I made a little research. I was stoked!


My yearning for connection

What got me curious was that the woman in the video was talking about how she felt after her experience. She explained that she reached the end of duality and gained a sense of unity with herself and her surrounding. In truth, she discovered the cause of her feeling of  separation and disconnection. Hence, she now felt in harmony and whole.

Likewise, I lived most of my life disconnected with myself and reality and in psychosis many times.

As a result, I had one wish for as long as I can recall, and that wish was to exist openly. But it felt far off and unreachable. 

However, the fact that I believed I wasn't a human made it impossible . I felt as if I was dropped on earth and had to adapt to humans. I needed to understand how life was to be lived as a human in order to become one. For this purpose, I had to deny all my instincts of how things had to be done, thought and expressed. Furthermore, I had to deny all that I spontanously wanted as it would render me unadaptable to the environment I was living in. Consequently, I would fail to  become human.

Above all, I was convinced that my essence was flawed when relating with others. In fact, I was usually in contradiction with my sorrounding, so I spent my time forcing my adaptability and hoping I would one day, be a part of humanity too.

My leap forward

At the end of 2015, I had a shocking breakthrough. I understood that I was a human the whole time. I was really confused and ashamed to have been so off track that whole time but at last, this was a good start for progressing to my objective of existing openly.

After numerous other breakthroughs, crises and growth, I started to feel more in touch with my real essence, and strangely, I realized I knew it the whole time but thought it was a disfunction needing to be fixed. 

I realized I often felt a huge gap between what I felt, desired and understood of life compared to what I see others have as a norm. 

But it might just be that I'm different and that I'm maybe not in an environment that  matches my ambitions and reality.

Anyhow, just understanding that I'm not a flaw to be fixed but just a different specimen is really appeasing.

Acceptation in action

I'm doing more and more things that align with my essence which in turn brings the understanding that I don't need to constantly adapt but simply just be whatever I am deep inside. The feeling of unity with reality and myself is emerging. As a result, peace with my truth is replacing the the torment. I realized that at some point, some things will not change because they cannot be changed. Even more, they need to be used as they are.

Anyways, back to the video talking about the rise of Kundalini, she didn't explain what is Kundalini. As I said, I did a little research to understand the experience.

What I found was that Kundalini is a form of divine energy represented as a coiled snake at the base of the spine. When cultivated and awakened, it will spiral up the spine through the chakras up through the third eye chakra. You then experience a spiritual liberation, a sense of peace and unity. 

Illustrating the experience

In my research, I found images of a snake coming through the forehead at the level of the third eye chakra.

It inspired the change of my painting to a portrait with a spider coming out of my forehead.

The spider is a huge symbol that follows me all the time and that holds a lot of meaning and is closely related to my essence.

This painting represents the unity I am starting to experience with my true nature and the gentle process of assimilating it in my mind and spirit.  Hence, this allows me to own my substance entirely to express it with no other expectation than to be true to it. Accordingly, this eliminates the need to spare and protect any other expectations from myself or others. As a matter of fact, I'm learning that other people are not as fragile and helpless as I used to think they are. This false belief was a huge reason for hiding myself to protect them. Conversely, I can now trust that they will live their own difficulties without me having to save and spare them constantly.

Let me know what this painting evokes for you in the comments!

Open Existence Surrealist painting by Maryse Gauthier 10-2019

Open Existence Surrealist painting by Maryse Gauthier 10-2019

About the author

As a passionate artist of the mind, I wish to stir your desire to express your authenticity, as the most generous way to exist and contribute to life.

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