2019, April, Monthly painting
WHAT DOES BEING AUTHENTIC HAVE TO DO WITH ACCEPTING OTHERS
Here is my only 2020 painting!
Since 2019, I have been in the theme of embracing my true nature. Huge changes occurred which imposed reorganization and distancing from different things.
2019 was a pivotal year of acceptation, decision and action that led to my self-discovery.
2020 was the year of entering my purpose for exponential progress.
2021 has been the year of narrowing further what my true nature is and closing the year with the decision to confront remnants of old premises to unlock my full potential.
2022 will be the year of new heights of growth, success and actualization by trusting I do not need to control how I'm interpreted to produce the good that is in my intentions. I can express my nature openly and trust it will reach those who are meant for it.
I am reconnecting with painting with joy and inspiration. My hope is to inspire more humans to embrace their own unique authenticity to bring meaning to their life and contribution to humanity.
What does being authentic have to do with accepting others?
But how do you connect with your true nature?
How do you tell if you are being yourself?
Why is self-discovery so important?
What it means to be genuine?
Embracing My Essence
This is the title of my only 2020 painting. I created it in the tiny apartment I lived in with my soul mate. I wanted to express the discovery of authenticity as my new home and as the symbol of the unique relationship that was unfolding with my beloved companion as a result of embracing my nature.
I treasure his presence in my life as a precious gift.
I didn't know how to illustrate this concept, so I did like usual. I trusted my inituition and painted.
I find the outcome interesting. The pointed edge reminds of an arrow piercing through a fabric displaying a fascinating outerspace universe. The eye represents the reflection of the discovery and exposure of the true inner self.
It is the beginning of a new experience.
It is the product of decades of trial and errors, searching, experimenting, risking, discomfort, doubting, evolving, etc. Living life to it's fullest at the best of my knowledge, awareness and capacities. It's is not the best but it is my best and would not change anything.
What follows are the different stages I went through that led to this beautiful fortune.
My original fallacy
From as far as I can remember, I was obsessed on understanding how the human mind works to find a fail proof solution to make every human the best version they could be, so they can enjoy existence to it's fullest.
I was convinced that no matter the severity of trauma or hardships someone experienced, there had to be a way for them to access happiness, peace, serenity and fulfillment. I wanted to uncover the formula to open this access to everyone, no matter what.
It became my life obsession and it developed in the urgency of finding the solution for everyone's problems and difficulties. In emergency mode, I was in alert full time, restless, and disconnected from my own identity, needs and desires. So much that I didn't even believe I was human, I didn't know how to communicate and interact with others, I just wanted to fix their life. My goal was to start living my own life and enjoy it only after I fixed everything around me.
In fact, I allowed myself to have some kind of existence in secret, never openly. I believed that humans were all too fragile, too vulnerable and needed assistance for everything since they were so helpless.
I believed I was their only hope and that I was so powerful that it might be a serious threat and danger for humanity if I dared living openly. They might not be capable of sustaining this and I would be responsible for irreversible damage, possibly fatal.
It was too serious to risk that much, so I preferred to continue analyzing and searching for the truth and solutions.
Being socially deficient, I also believed that in order to integrate and succeed at anything in society, I had to learn to communicate and interact.
So I decided to work in restaurants to have access to as many different humans to observe, learn and practice social interactions. I thought I might learn to become human too.
What it means to be genuine
This week, it became clear to me how authenticity works, is expressed and non-selective.
Authenticity treats people as capable to deal with the expression of other's authenticity.
Authenticity trusts that each individual is ultimately responsible of their own problems and are the only ones with the power to solve them at their own pace and their own manner.
Authenticity is concerned to be true not to micro manage how it is understood by everyone.
It trusts that the people it is meant for will receive what they need the way they need it.
What my authentic self is not for others
The major obstacle to authenticity is fear not confronted. Every fear we decide to overcome brings us closer to discovering our identity.
~ Maryse - Amoritz
Anxiety, stress, overwhelmingly fast paced thoughts...
One obsession prevails everytime.
There is this obsessive image in my mind that calms me when I'm stressed or that there is turmoil in my head.
I imagine myself transpercing my head repetitively or simply blowing my head off. However, it's not that I want to die. It's just a fantacy of massaging my brain with vigor to release the tensions.
Thus, illustrating this fantacy might as well be calming to me. For this purpose, the ink of an octopus could represent the explosion of the head. Moreover, I had the idea to add eyes all over the octopus's arms.
Hence, I painted my head with the octopus shooting ink with eyes on it's arms. Consequently, I omitted depicting eyes on my face as they got sucked in by the explosion and multiplied all over the animal's limbs.
When I contemplated the finished work, I was struck by the fact that it illustrates perfectly the psychoanalytic work I perform with my therapist. For instance, the ink of the octopus represents all the illusions, dreams, hallucinations, repetitive negative experiences. Furthermore, the absence of eyes on my face shows that I am not looking outside of myself for responsability or to find meaning and solutions. In fact, the numerous eyes on the octopus arms illustrates the analysis of my own behaviors, dreams, hallucinations, etc. This analysis happens as many times necessary to unlock the reasons of the negative scenarios repeated in my life. At last, I can find the best solutions to make positive changes.
Let me know what this painting evokes for you in the comments!
Psychoanalysis Surrealist painting by Maryse Gauthier 04-2019